you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
