Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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