well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
