I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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