I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
