I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
