He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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