Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
