If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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