Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
