i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
