One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
