I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
