So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
