I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
