I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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