chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
