he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's always time for handjobs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
