I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
