In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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