I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
