i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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