apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
