I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
