You just made me feel so damn special
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Terrible idea I love it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
