glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im holly from the hills drunk
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
