belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
