you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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