I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk is not a location!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
