Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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