I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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