I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
