i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
