I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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