So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
