I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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