mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
