I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
