I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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