worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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