Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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