after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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