You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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