Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
