if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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