I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
