I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
