Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk

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(510): View more from California

well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

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(505): View more from New Mexico

She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

ugh yes i love our date nights

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(219): View more from Indiana

He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?

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(847): View more from Illinois

The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.

(312): View more from Illinois

Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE

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(810): View more from Michigan

I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine

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