My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
