All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
