Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
