Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
