Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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