Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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