I think I won the penis lottery.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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