she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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