I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
