everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
