we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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