WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
