We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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