Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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