Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
