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• (518): View more from New York

  Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself

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• (315): View more from New York

  if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard

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  Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..

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  25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.

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• (760): View more from California

  Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again

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• (915): View more from Texas

  No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases

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