thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!