Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
That accounts for only three of the penises
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.