i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.