the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!