Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments